Dear friends who I wonder if you are there and who you are and why you even like me,
I'm floundering. I'm sucking the happiness out of my life. I am questioning everything. I am holding onto the things in life that make me unhappier instead of happier. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I can do. I don't know where I can go to make things right. I don't know if anyone will love me and I certainly don't know where to even start looking to find that person.. And I feel too old for all this confusion anyway. Should I have questions about what I believe and confidence and happiness? Shouldn't life be easy, carefree, mindless.... shouldn't learning be something fun and exciting like exploring new places and discovering new things? I feel absolutely empty and directionless... I feel like I could take a step in a different direction BUT WHAT IF I'M WRONG? I'm petrified. What if I move the wrong way. What if I actually do know what is true and am too scared to commit to it?
What is happiness?
Where is happiness?
Where are friends?
Where is motivation?
Where is hope?
Did I lose it all in the same place?
I am depressed but I think it can be remedied. I'm ready to go talk to someone about all of this. I'm ready to move forward with my life. I need to make some goals. I need to make some friends. I need to not be annoyed by my friends. I need to be social. I need to serve people.
Maybe that's where I"ll start. Service. Ok. I'm ready to try that.